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This is how it was

I found out I was pregnant with you on a Thursday. It was March 12, 2020. One day later, your dad and I met your Aunt Christie and Uncle Dan at a brewery to tell them about you. It would be the last time in months we would go out in public, or see anyone.

Four days later, all Colorado businesses, restaurants, schools, and public spaces would close down for the unforeseeable future. Not just Colorado, but the entire world would collectively enter our first stages of quarantine.

In the beginning, there were so many unknowns that we just didn’t feel safe doing anything or seeing anyone. We stocked up on groceries and watched our toilet paper supply slowly dwindle. And then, we just continued to live life the best we could.

A few months later, George Floyd was murdered, and the country erupted. So many Americans put the stay-at-home orders aside to get outside and protest and fight in different ways. I’m probably going to tell you throughout your life that nothing is more important than your health — but the truth is there are some cases when risking your health is worth it and this was one of them.

A few months after that, the West Coast burst into flames with some of the largest wildfires the region has ever seen. The sky filled with haze and flecks of ash rained down on us. The air quality was so poor that for a couple of weeks I stayed inside as much as possible to make sure you were safe.

And now, weeks before we get ready to meet you, the country is facing an election that will change the course of our lives, of your life. Everyone is on edge.

But through it all, you keep growing.

I never really know what to say when people ask me what it’s like being pregnant with you during these times. In a lot of ways you have made me stronger, and feel more connected to life. At least, that is how I feel on a good day.

Everything feels different with you here.

It might not make a lot of sense to you since you haven’t even stepped outside of my body yet as I write this, but I already feel so proud of you. You probably already know this, but you chose to come during a really challenging time.

I can’t promise you that I’ll be able to protect you from anything, and I won’t try to. I think the best I can do is show you that we’re all built to do really hard things, and that you’re resilient enough exactly as you are to get through it all. And when life is really difficult and you and others are suffering, we will do what we can with what we have to help one another through it. The most important part is that we always have each other.

But maybe this is all old news to you. It seems like you’re the one teaching me things anyway. Every time I think I start to instinctively know something about you, you change it up on me. You are constantly reminding me there is so much I don’t know, and to let go of any expectations. As a result, I’m forced to just take things as they come and not overthink it. You’ll learn this – but overthinking things is one of the hallmarks of my personality, so that is saying a lot.

I hope I’m not scaring you too much. Because really, you don’t need to worry about any of it. In the end, it’s still just life. You’re allowed to have fun and enjoy the ride, even when things are hard. Maybe especially when things are hard.

There are a lot of really good things happening every day, too. Like the existence of cats, and nature, and the mountains, and the ocean. Laughing at silly things (your dad has the best laugh, you’re going to love it) and the joys of friends and family. All that good stuff exists at the same time as the hard stuff, and it makes life worth living.

Oh, and hiking. That’s one of the good things too (in my opinion). Did you know you’ve already been on tons of hikes? That’s been one of our primary coping methods throughout this year. You’ve been with me every step of the way – pushing me when I can do more, pressing as hard as you can on my nerves to remind me to slow down when I do too much.

That’s you in there!

I wonder if you’ll hear a lot about this year as you grow older, and if you’ll ask what it was like for all of us. Or maybe time will soften some of the harshness of how history looks at this year and it will fade away into all the others. I’m not really sure what it will all look like once we have the perspective of time to help shape the full story.

For our family though, it will always be the year that you came, and I will forever be grateful for that.

Megan Fitzpatrick

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Megan

Always up for a new adventure, and Colorado is full of them. Here is where you can find my favorite Colorado destinations and experiences. Read More

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